I have always prided myself as an emotionally open and aware person. However, I felt saddled by my constant desires, needs, unhappiness, and search for the next big thing. I was aware but never took the plunge to dive in and uncover the rawness that lies at the depth.
I grew up in Shanghai, China. Though my family is largely agnostic / athiest, my paternal grandma was an avid Buddhist teachings follower and I spent holidays visiting temples, praying and giving offerings to Buddha and Bodhisattva alike. As a child, I was fascinated by concepts of reincarnation and karma. I distinctly remember wearing a vertical cylinder made out of bamboo and inside, stood a Bodhisattva.
I have been fascinated by teachings of Buddhism for so long, yet I had never felt compelled to search out. The one time I tried, I ambitiously downloaded the scripts without context and was turned away.
Currently, in the midst of this abysmally terrible year, I felt the pull to reach in again and rediscover the enlightenment that is within me. Out of the three poisons, I am certainly most guilty of greed. Greed for material goods, for intangible achievements, and for affection and respect.
I downloaded this book, and the first question it posed to me, is to ask “Why?” to our greed. Though simple, I took an approach akin to a surgical deconstruction of that strain of specific greed. “Why do I want this expensive Prada jacket“ — “So I can look good and differentiate myself from the pack” — “Why do you want to look good and different?” — “Because I want external validation and appraisal” — “Why?” — “Because I am incapable of giving myself validation”.
Easier written than done. That exercise confronted me with the rampant self-denial that has festered my heart. I was taken aback.
This is my wake up call and my journey on my path to awakening. I hope to record key takeaways, relevations in the coming times.
